BMT..................

Let me tell you how bmt goes....at least from my aspect.

BMT or basic military training as it is known as is a whirl wind of emotions. I was never away from my fiance before basic for more than a month total in the 3 years we had been together so far, so 8.5 weeks was gonna kill me. So if your are used to talking to your better half daily and for any amount of time this all will change. My first night alone was awful. I couldn't lay in our bed for a week after he left. I could not bring myself to go in there. That pesky diagnosis of depression was starting to kick in hardcore. I could not eat or sleep. All I did was work and prayed for the first phone call which came when I had just transferred to a new facility. Here I am a nurse at a brand new building phone ringing the Lady Antebellum song "just a kiss" as loud as possible. The phone call was 30 seconds long and it sounded something like this.....my then fiance rambling off a written message which seemed to start before I had even picked up the phone. It consisted of saying call the red cross if I need to get ahold of my AB if there was an emergency and then my fiance stating "i don't think i made the right decision." Don't panic this apparently is supposed to be what it sounds like. I got off the phone with him in tears because I did not know what he was going through. When I got home from work I googled it and found relief in other peoples experiences stating that they had received they same type of phone call. I waited for another 2 weeks before I got the real first call. It was the best sound in the world....my fiance calling me saying I got 35 minutes to talk to you....do not get excited....that was the one and only time I got a phone call that was longer than maybe 20 minutes. I was normally at work when I got my calls. When we started talking the tears started flowing...this lasted ALLLLLL of BMT. Every time he called and when we got off the phone I cried. My coworkers always knew when he called because afterwards I was glassy eyed and blotchy from crying. Always answer your phone if it is a weird area code that you are not used to getting...trust me they call from pay phones if they work. My fiance would get patio time and was able to call me.  It was a short time but it was special every minute of it. So about 3 weeks after my fiance left for bmt I got in a car accident and was taken out of work for a few weeks. I have bad knees and the old lady that hit me (the first time I had ever drove my fiances car) made sure I hurt them some more...not really but that was my main injury along with some whiplash. Here I was depressed and laid out on my couch again because of the accident. I had to have xrays, MRI, and the worst thing ever was being put back on crutches. I always thought it was fun to play with my dad's crutches when I was a little girl...but after knee surgery and this accident the appeal had worn its welcome. Anyways... to keep my mind busy I scrapbooked...i found a very cute abu covered scrapbook from pat catans and it was my first conquest. Then I started no sew blankets. I frequented hobby lobby where I met Jen the fabulous fabric counter girl. She was a newlywed and just was nice to talk to. I also stalked the bmt page on facebook...I do not have a fb but was able to see the pictures that they posted of what they were going through. I also would read the wall and found a wife whose husband was in the same flight as Carmen (my husband). I clicked on her page and saw that she sold mary kay and sent her an email in regards to her husband and my fiance were in the same flight and I would  like to talk with someone who understood what I was going through. It was a rather weird email and I was very surprised that she emailed me back. We clicked right from the start. She was like a long lost friend that I had not spoken to in years. Before I went back to work I made a road trip down to see her. I drove the 9 hours with our 4 lbs pomchi. She has 2 dogs also so we figured it wouldn't be bad if she came along. It was so funny it was dark outside when I made it from Oh to Tn and we figured it would be best if Taco met her dogs outside since she has a fenced in backyard. Her poodle ran right up to me and here is my little dog in between my legs guarding me like she has never done before...we just stood there laughing. Her other dog just came up to Taco smelled her behind and was like hey were good. When we went inside the house Taco just made herself at home inside of her dog cage. She is a special dog what can I say. lol.  We had a great time just visiting. Someone who understood what I was going through.Trust me having that support is well needed. I wrote my fiance everyday the was in BMT...that was my promise to him. If I could not write I sent a card. I would take pics of myself (not naughty ones) and send them down to him. Do Not ever send naughty pics to your AB...you can get them in trouble or possibly worse...it is not worth the risk.

The 8.5 weeks seemed to take forever but I tried to keep busy...I had a wedding to plan. I searched San Antonio weddings and found marriage island. Shauna there took great care of everything for me that she could. We needed a permit to get married on the island which is right behind the hotel contessa  on the riverwalk. She went and got the permit. Gave me numbers of who I needed to call and worked with me to have someone sign our marriage license on Friday so that way It was all squared away for my husband to have with his paperwork. I looked up photographers in the San Antonio area that would work with us since we are on a budget. I enlisted the help of Thumbtack.com who helped me find Ryan Hamilton photography. I corresponded everything through email or phone and had our wedding all squared away. on my last visit to see Sheena we made our flowers (Sheena and her hubby Bruce were our maid of honor and best man) and to try to get my wedding dress altered. I had lost alot of weight off and on d/t my depression. (yes i say it a lot but trust me you do not want to suffer from it.)

Our wedding was the Saturday during BMT graduation. We had beautiful weather and a genuine amazing time. My husband dressed in his blues was the most gorgeous, handsome man I had ever seen. To look him his eyes just made my heart melt.

Leaving San Antonio that Monday was the worst day ever. Sheena drove home with me from graduation. Thank goodness because without her I would have cried the whole way home.

Bruce, Carmen, Rorie, Me, Nathan, and Sheena

the beginning.....

We waited about a year before my then fiance decided that he wanted to start the AF journey. We had discussed it and I was ok with him joining enlisted....I gave him a breakdown on which branch I was ok with him going into... the Air Force was the top of the list. We had our ups and downs through out the year but we made it through them all. It did not really hit close to home until 3 weeks before he left. He would be gone for the next 8.5 weeks for BMT (basic military training) at Lackland AFB, then 4 months at Keesler AFB for tech training, and then PCSing to his duty station for the next 3 years or so. So August 23rd came and he would be gone. The day before he left he has to go to his recruiter and they get driving to MEPS for processing and have to stay in a hotel, and then be transported back to MEPS at the crack of dawn the next morning to be taken to the airport to be flown down to San Antonio, TX. On the day that he went to the recruiters ofc I pretty much was a wreck throughout the whole day. I lost an earring...which my husband gave me on our first valentines day and I did not realize I had lost it until we got to the recruiter...here me and my husband are looking all over for this little diamond stud earring bc he gave it to me and I needed it we gave up the search in the parking lot and went  back into the recruiters ofc. The recruiter then asked me how I was holding up....here I am all blochy from crying all day and someone asked me how I was holding up...I looked away and said fine in a very short manner. I am not the best at holding in my emotions. I suffer from depression and anxiety and it makes it very difficult for me to cope with my feelings. Anyways though, shortly after our quest for looking for my missing earring the car was at the ofc ready to drive my fiance and another recruit to MEPS. We said our goodbyes and he got in the SUV. The driver said don't worry he'll be back...not what I wanted to hear, I wanted to hear that he wasn't leaving there was a mistake, or that I was able to go with him. None of that happened though. So I went home for a few hours and turned our home upside down to continue the search for my lost earring. I looked all over on my hands and knees to no avail. So here I am so sad that my fiance left and my earring was gone still. I just sat on the ground bawling my eyes out again. Once I regained my composure I decided I would go and do some laundry at the laundry mat. I just don't think I was able to be in our home alone...we have two animals but it isn't the same. I went in our bedroom to start separating the laundry. for some reason I pulled back our blankets on our bed. Why im really not sure but I am grateful that I did because my lost earring was laying under my pillow. So one issue was resolved. So I went and did our laundry made sure our cat had enough food and water for the night, took our 4lbs pomchi Taco to my fathers house to stay the night and left for Cleveland. The night before they leave for basic they are allowed to go out to dinner with family or friends as long as they were back by curfew. I waited for hours until my fiance was finally at the hotel and then checked in to the hotel. which right from the get go get used to hurry up and wait. It is something that I myself am not good with. So he came out of the hotel and we went to go find something for dinner. Now Cleveland has alot of places to eat at but not alot of parking....it also didn't help that they were filming the avengers right in the same area as where we were trying to find a parking spot. So we ending up parking close to the hotel again after driving around searching for a spot and just walking to the restaurant. After dinner we walked back to the car and then I drove him back to the hotel. I decided to get a room at a hotel not to far from MEPS so that way I could get up early and spend as long as I could with him at MEPS. I watched him take his oath with many other soldiers, airman, coasties, and sailors and was the most proud of him that I could ever be. I held in most of my tears throughout that morning (with only a few breakdowns). When he was told that it was time to go to the airport, I lost it. I literally cried the whoooole way to the airport. I walked in with another airmans family and my fiance asked me if I had been crying...I tried to pull it off and was like umm no....yea apparently the family driving in the car in front of me had already told him that I was bawling the whole way...busted! When we got into the terminal we were notified that we were able to go back with our service member and watch them leave. I was a mess. I pretty much cried the whole time there too. Thank goodness for Schmidt's mom because without her it would have been even more awful. I watched his plane take off and took as many pictures as I could and knew this was the last time I would see him again until BMT graduation in 8.5 weeks.